Chemo Round 1

Friday was quite the day. At 10:45a Brian and I marched our way to the Hematology Center of Michigan at Lemmen-Holton. I was ready to get started, but the day was honestly harder than I anticipated it would be emotionally. As some of my friends pointed out, it was quite fitting that my first chemo treatment fell on International Women’s Day, and I was definitely channeling the strength of the women before me and the women around me to get through this day.

When I arrived at the clinic, I was immediately struck by how sick everyone looked around me with skin ashen in color, seeming tired and smiles vanished. I felt completely out of place and praying that I would not become one of these “sick” people.

They quickly got my port hooked up with hydration and steroid medications flowing, followed by anti-nausea meds and folic acid (an agent that helps my particular chemo work more effectively). Then it was time to get the 5FU (aptly named) going. I will admit that at that moment I was fighting back tears and beginning to panic. This was really starting. There was no turning back. I have cancer, and I have to do this.

After a few deep breaths, I was able to settle in to a warmed blanket, Brian’s company, and some episodes of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. The time went by pretty fast, although it was hard to feel 100% comfortable. I was the newbie in the ward, trying to figure out the ropes and manage my IV pole and tubing while making my way into the bathroom (and trying not to feel like a fool). I just kept telling myself that I will get used to this, and it won’t be so bad.

I was set up with a pump for 36 hours of Oxaliplatin (my other chemo drug) and we were on our way home. I am still getting used to carrying the pump along with me, but it is pretty easy to get around, shower, and sleep. When I got home Friday we explained to the boys that they needed to be careful, but that it was still ok to hug and touch me. Noah wasn’t sure exactly what to do, so he just kissed my knee. My tears flowed.

Side effects on Friday and Saturday were pretty manageable. I felt a little off and nauseated, but was able to have a pretty decent Saturday, even walking a mile with Brian at the YMCA. Sunday has not been so great, but they have been working with me on a combination of meds to help. I am working to accept and adapt to my new normal one day at a time.

I could not do this without the continued love and support of my family, friends, and co-workers. You keep showing up day after day, and it helps to have people rooting for me.

I especially could not do this without Brian. I am pretty sure that he had no idea what “better or for worse” would mean with me from endometriosis to fertility treatments to two c-sections, post partem depression, and now this. He is my favorite person to be with sick or not sick, and I cannot thank him enough for helping to take care of me, while keeping up at work and with the boys. He has promised in old age to get me back for all of this. I will gladly accept.

XO – Mary