Chemo #5ish

Well, at some point it was probably inevitable that I would face a challenge or a setback in my cancer treatment, and last Friday was that point. About 30-45 minutes into my chemo infusion, I suffered an allergic reaction to the Oxaliplatin (one of the two chemo drugs I am taking). My face became bright red, I was having trouble breathing, and my heart rate was 148! I thought maybe it was just in my head, but then Brian took note of my horribly red face, and I knew something must be off. Luckily I was in the care of great nurses, who knew exactly what they were dealing with. They immediately unhooked my chemo and administered IV Benedryl and steriods. Within minutes, I was feeling better, albeit sleepy and unable to make a sentence with thinking very hard about it first (that IV Benedryl is no joke)!

Some have asked me if this it is normal to have a reaction 5 treatments into the process. I had the same question, and the nurses told me that sometimes it isn’t until the drug has built up in a person’s system after several rounds that they face a reaction like this.

After this episode, they stopped my Oxaliplatin infusion for the day, but I was able to go home with my 5FU pump and at least continue with that part of the treatment. My oncologist happened to also be onsite at the time of the reaction, and he felt it best that we switch gears for a bit. This will mean 6 weeks of radiation treatment 5 days per week. After that, we will finish out my last three rounds of chemo while admitted to the hospital, so I can be carefully monitored. They will infuse the chemo more slowly over 8 hours and administer IV Benedryl and other steroids prior to the treatment.

I will be honest, that it was a little bit mentally hard to switch gears on the treatment plan, but I know this is the best thing. It is also hard to know that I am up against 6 straight weeks of radiation. The side effects could be different from day to day and become more severe over time. I am a bit nervous to think about navigating my work day with radiation and the impending side effects – some of which include some bowel issues. But my co-workers have been VERY supportive, and I will just take it day by day.

I have my consultation with the radiological oncologist on Wednesday and should know a lot more after that. At that point, I will either be more or less nervous. We will see – LOL.

Over the last couple of weeks, there were days that I wished I could forget I have cancer for awhile, but it always seems to be in the back of my mind. However, at the same time, after recovering from my allergic reaction, I have felt pretty good physically. I have been able to enjoy the zoo with my boys, celebrate my friend Katie’s 40th birthday (she was kind enough to bring the “party” to me and didn’t mind that my 4-yr-old joined in), and had an excellent Mother’s Day starting with family time and ending with yoga. For these things, I am grateful. I am choosing to continue to focus on gratitude because at the end of day this could be so much worse and the good moments are still outweighing the bad.

I recently read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. In this book, he says, “The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the sufferings it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – even under the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life.” In this journey, I am allowing myself to feel sad, angry, and defeated, but I am also putting that in its place. I am thinking hard about how I have accepted this fate and am embracing the opportunity to understand how it will strengthen me and add depth to my life and my being. This is yet to be seen, but I am looking forward to beating this so I can see the result.

XO – Mary

PS – A piece of good news! CT Scan results post Chemo #4, show no metastasis and tumor is stable (so no further growth). Woo hoo!

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