#chemoradiation – Five Hopes for One Fear

Since my cancer diagnosis in February, I have received many beautiful blankets, afghans, and prayer shawls from friends, co-workers, and loved ones. I have literally snuggled with every single one of them, taking in the warmth and comfort. It’s like getting a hug from the person who sent it, and I have basked in the sentiment.

Several weeks back I received a package in the mail from our friends Mandy and Chris. In the package was a small hand-knitted blanket in a beautiful array of colors (about the size of place mat). I studied it for a bit, unsure exactly what it was, and then read the card. The card explained that this was actually the prayer shawl that was given to Chris and Mandy for their infant daughter Lucy. And now they were gifting it to me. It was then that I realized how much love and strength could be packed into something so small.

With the permission of her parents, I would like to tell you a little bit about Lucy. Lucy was born 9 weeks early, weighing just 2 pounds, 3 oz. She spent 3 months in NICU at Lurie Hospital following her birth. Unfortunately, after she was sent home, Lucy contracted RSV, Pneumonia, H1N1 Influenza, and a number of other infections. She was hospitalized and had to be intubated, receive several blood transfusions, and have a feeding tube placed due to her “failure to thrive”. I remember watching Lucy’s journey through social media, and trying to figure out how her parents were holding it together and balancing the rest of life and their other three children. But they fought hard for Lucy, and Lucy fought hard for herself. After three months, she was able to return home.

Today, Lucy is two and half. Her feeding tube has been removed, but she still remains a tiny 22 pounds. Overall she is a healthy, strong, and independent girl. This past summer her family came to visit, and I was amazed at how well she kept up with the big kids, one little step at a time.

This is a little girl with grit, and a little girl that fought with all of her being to overcome incredible odds – twice. And her parents chose to gift her prayer shawl to me… What an amazing symbol for me to cling to. It’s fights like Lucy’s that inspire me and remind me that I can do this. She has some little big shoes to fill! I will hold tightly to this shawl until I win this fight. And then I commit to Mandy and Chris that I will send the gift along to another soul who needs some strength and inspiration.

All in all, if I have come to no other conclusions in the last few months, the one I can certainly speak to it that human kindness is the medicine that is keeping me going… through chemo… through radiation… through the fears… through the doubts… and through the crazy balance of work, motherhood, and cancer. Thank you Mandy and Chris. Thank you Lucy. And thank you to all of you who remain in my corner.

XO –

Mary

I am slacking recently on my blog posts, and I apologize for this! The last month I have been lucky to have a break from treatment while my care team got things squared away for my chemoradiation treatment that will start this coming week. It was nice to have a few side-effect free weeks to enjoy occasions like Mother’s Day and my future sister-in-law Jenn’s bachelorette party weekend.

Now, I am gearing up to get back to reality… About two weeks ago, I had my radiation simulation and associated CAT scan. They did my tattooing to prepare for where the radiation would be administered. They used ink and a surgical needle to apply the tattoos (which Brian says makes me “super hard core” – LOL). To my dismay they are just three little tiny dots, one at the tip of the tailbone and two in the glute area. I was at least hoping for something more fun like a shamrock. Maybe someday ;).

After reviewing the CT scans, my care team determined they wanted to use a method of radiation called IMRT, or Intensity-Modulated Radiation Therapy. As Memorial Sloan Kettering defines it, “IMRT is a type of cancer treatment that uses advanced computer programs to calculate and deliver radiation directly to cancer cells from different angles. It allows people with cancer to receive higher, more effective doses of radiation while limiting damage to the healthy tissues and organs around it. This increases your chance for a cure and lessens the likelihood of side effects.” I am excited to be able to benefit from this technology, and glad my insurance company finally approved it.

This coming Tuesday, I will have my first round of IMRT. Along with this, I will take oral chemo pills called Xolota daily. This regimen of treatment will be every week day for six weeks. I understand that side effects for this type of therapy usually start out ok and then worsen overtime – things like fatigue, diarrhea, nausea, and peeling hands and feet. I will admit that I am nervous about this impending treatment. Unlike my chemo, each day will be less predictable in terms of how I feel. I will also be balancing appointments for treatment every day, additional doctor visits, work, and being a mom all at the same time.

But I think my oncologist gave me the best advice in regard to this treatment. He said, “You have to do this.” He urged me not to go to the Internet to read horror stories or get too worked up about side effects because in the end, this is something I have to do to become well. And he is so right. I need to do this. I will do this. I will take it day by day, and promise to keep you all posted along the way.

XO – Mary

PS – Tomorrow I am so excited to be participating in Milan’s Miracle Run in honor of my favorite fellow warrior princess, Langley Lou Schillim 🙂 More on that in my next blog.

Tag: #chemoradiation

Little Big Shoes to Fill

I’ve Got to do This!